Perhaps the most difficult part of Chapel Wedding Ministry is
follow-up. The sincere minister of the
Gospel, while recognizing the value of meeting the couple in a time of
orientation and/or giving them a meaningful Christian ceremony with a message
bathed in prayer and delivered from the heart, desires earnestly to gdraw the
neth by maintaining contact with the couple and, hopefully, moving them toward
a church and a decision to receive Jesus Christ.
However, to maintain a meaningful follow-up program is next to
impossible for most missionaries because of their previously existing ministry
schedule. Most are involved full-time
in planting or nurturing churches, and the duties that accompany those
ministries leave little room for taking on other responsibilities.
To follow up a couple in an effective manner could involve much time
and energy. And if the minister has
conducted ceremonies for tens, or hundreds, of couples, the task becomes a
formidable one indeed. This article
attempts to gather a few suggestions from missionaries involved in wedding
ministry and to share from my own experience ways in which I have attempted to
follow up couples during the past three years.
The following suggestions came in response to a brief e-mail dashed off
to a few close friends. If the survey
were widened, no doubt we would find that many other good efforts are being put
forth to maintain contact with couples and draw them toward the Kingdom of God
For a time, John Graybill
made telephone calls to each couple three months, six months, and one year
after their ceremony. However, as the
number of couples grew, this approach was replaced by sending out a card one
month after the ceremony. Johnfs
greatest emphasis on follow-up is a quarterly meeting for couples married in
the chapel. These meetings consist of
concerts, special speakers, parties, and the showing of the Jesus Film.
Neil Verwey inserts a
response card and a paper to introduce his church in the Bibles he presents to
couples. He also invites them to
occasional parties for fellowship. He
is presently in discussion with 15 other missionaries and pastors on how to
join efforts for more effective follow-up.
Philip Visser requests each
couple to send a photograph after they have settled down in their new
situation. He then prays for them and
contacts them as appropriate. Trevor van Peppen focuses on the few
rather than the many ? on those who of themselves show genuine interest. He has invited several couples to his home
for leisurely interchange. He is alert to the friends and family members of the
couples who are sometimes more responsive than the couples themselves. He
reports frequent opportunities to witness to these people, and to the staff of
the wedding business. Nils Olson sends a card on Valentinefs
Day. He encouraged a Christmas candle
service at one chapel. He suggests that
ministers ask the company staff to keep computer records for the ministerfs
use.
Robert Jewell tells of a
pastor who gives his name with a personal note to each couple. He invites those
who respond in any way to a once-a-year program. David Hutchinson mails
a Bible after the wedding since the chapel prohibits the giving of a Bible
during the ceremony. He encloses his
name card, information about his church and an invitation to attend. He is
working on a method to introduce couples to churches near their homes.
Robert Kaylor mails materials
several times a year relating to newly-weds or family life, such as, Hagukumu (Raising, or, Cherishing,
Children) from New Life League and the Japanese version of the Focus on the
Family magazine. He also invites
couples to special meetings during the year.
He suggests that these invitations might be more effective if such
services were held at the wedding chapel instead of his own church.
Wesley Calvery reports
extensive efforts at follow-up. For
Wesley, follow-up begins with a pre-ceremony meeting time with the couple. A
special, gopen door policyh welcomes couples to visit with him any time at his
church office. Couples are urged to come to a monthly Saturday night meeting
prior to their wedding. His church
prepares a special Bible at a cost of 2000 yen each with the churchfs name
specially imprinted. Couples are warmly
invited to the regular Sunday night service, and many come. They are encouraged to make a ghomecomingh
visit on each wedding anniversary, and to bring their babies to church for a
prayer of blessing. Special services
are planned for the couples during the year, and blessing for children is
provided at these times also.
Robert Toner emphasizes,
among other methods of maintaining contact, the point that surely is the key to
effective follow-up ? prayer. Robert
and his wife, Tillie, pray earnestly for each couple, remembering the promise
of the Lord, gMy Word shall not return to me empty.h
Although my own attempts at follow-up can be acknowledged only as a
beginning, I am encouraged that they are making an impact in the hearts of the
couples. First, I am convinced that the
primary doorway to meaningful follow-up is the pre-ceremony time of orientation
I have with each couple. (These
sessions sometimes include two, three, or even six couples, for time does not
allow meeting each one individually.)
In this orientation time, the meaning of the church wedding is explained
in detail, with special emphasis on the sacred vows and on the God who ordained
marriage and who has a wonderful plan for each of our lives. This time provides the opportunity for
giving an invitation to the Sanbi no Yube
(Vespers) services that are held at the chapel four times a year as a
ghomecomingh for the couples.
(For those who are interested in the rationale for and approach to the
time of orientation and the various materials I hand out at that time, please
refer to my articles and materials available on floppy disks for your perusal
and printing.)
At orientation, I ask each couple to send me a snapshot of themselves
soon after the wedding. I remind them
of that request just before their ceremony.
To those who respond, I send a letter in Japanese addressed to them
personally, a picture of my grandchildren (shown at orientation as part of my
gself introductionh), the announcement of the next vespers service, and the
tract, Watashi o Kaeta Ai by famous
author, Ayako Miura or Issho Ni Utaoo
by popular singer, Yuri Mori (both supplied by Every Home Crusade). To those who donft respond within six
months, I send the same items. I also
write to those who send seasonal greetings and to those who attend a vespers
service. The letters in this case are
usually in English, very brief and very simple. I keep an information sheet of each couple whose wedding I have
performed and record on those sheets every item received from and sent to the
couple and the date of the contact.
Vespers services are held at 6:00 PM on four Sunday evenings during the year. Two of the four services are at Christmas and at Easter. The Christmas service includes a solemn time of lighting candles, and I decorate extensively with candles at Easter also. The Easter service and the September meeting include a time for blessing children, in honor of the girlsf and boysf festivals in the spring and the 7, 5, 3 celebration in the fall. Couples are encouraged to invite their family members and friends and to have them bring their children. Other Vespers have included a concert by a gospel choir and special presentations by the group of musicians who provide two choir members for each of our ceremonies.
The Sanbi no Yube services
are conducted with a strong conviction that my primary calling in wedding
ministry is to make the church attractive
to the non-Christians who come. I hope
to do this, first, by giving them a beautiful, moving ceremony and, second, by
inviting the couples ghomeh for a relaxed, lovely service at the church where
they were married. I feel my next task
is to encourage them toward attending a church in their neighborhood. For this
purpose I invite the pastor of a local church to bring a ten-minute message at
each Vespers and assist me in blessing the children who are brought by their
parents. The pastorfs church is
introduced to the audience by attaching his church information sheet to the
program and by encouraging the people to visit that church.
An announcement of the next Vespers also is attached to the
program. Couples who attend the service
are asked to fill out a brief form indicating their attendance that evening and
to meet in a separate room after the service for tea and a time of fellowship
and meeting the guest minister and his wife.
The question of concern to many people is, what results can be seen
from the effort expended in wedding ministry, including follow-up? While conversions have been reported here
and there, such reports seem to be very few.
The missionaries mentioned above indicate that responses to their many
invitations do not come readily.
Wedding ministry seems to remain that of helping non-Christians take a first step toward the Savior through a delightful,
meaningful experience in a church on their gday we have dreamed of.h I insist that wedding evangelism is a crucial ministry precisely because of
that one factor! For without that first
contact with the Gospel, evangelism cannot take place.
The follow-up efforts mentioned above might seem woefully
incomplete. But any effort at follow-up
accomplishes several key things: (1) it
maintains contact that leads to relationship; and relationship is the most
crucial factor in achieving a credible witness to non-Christians; (2) it helps
to recall to the minds of the couple and their guests the delight and beauty
experienced in church; and (3) it
fosters an openness to the idea of going to church again when they are
presented with the opportunity.
We recognize that much more should and could be done in follow-up. We have seen that most wedding ministers,
although earnestly desiring the final result of evangelism, conversion, are
unable to pursue the matter because of severe limits on their time. I personally
believe that new churches could be planted from the contacts made through
wedding evangelism if missions would see this ministry as a calling and assign
a gifted missionary to it.
But encouraging things are happening.
Wesley Calvery reports that couples often come to services. He is almost too busy with couples that come to talk with him at the church! He
has baptized one of these couples, and two of them have invited him to the
dedication of their new homes. Trevor
van Peppen has been in close contact with a couple for a year and feels they
are very close to making a decision.
Both Neil Verwey and John Graybill report opportunities to counsel
couples and to pray with them, especially at times of difficulty in their
marriage relationship. An astounding happening in Johnfs wedding ministry is
the weekly, early morning worship service he conducts for the staff of the
company! The owner and up to 40 other
employees attend regularly!
An amazing 40 percent of the couples I have married have responded to
my request for a snapshot soon after their wedding. Most of these enclosed
lovely letters also, sharing the fact that they and their guests felt deeply
moved, even to tears, by the content and atmosphere of the wedding ceremony. I have exchanged letters three or four times
with half a dozen couples, and two couples have called at our home. In the four vespers we have held so far in
our chapel, 5, 12, 4, and 11 couples, respectively, have attended. Several of them have come to all the
services.
Surely Neil Verweyfs experience is by no means insignificant:
A few weeks ago we felt constrained to make a phone call to a couple that had come on several occasions to our annual get-togethers for married couples. They seem to feel quite close to us and had come to us in the past also for advice on marital problems. When we phoned we felt somewhat puzzled because the wife, while eager to accept our invitation to lunch, seemed on the verge of tears. Little did we know that just at that time they were planning to separate. They had apparently decided to go through divorce proceedings without consulting us. Not knowing any of this, we had been burdened to make contact with them. We were still eating our midday meal with them when they started to open their hearts to us. gIt was the most remarkable phone call we ever received in all our lives!h the wife said, and they went on to tell us that our phone call was to them a call from God to make a new start.
Wedding ministry is a participation in the attempt to move people
toward a life-changing experience in the Gospel. Any effort at follow-up is the
extending of an invitation to people to take a step toward the Savior. As one step often leads to two, and two to
three, one day, I am firmly convinced, many people will take the final step
that brings about a spiritual re-birth and leads them into the Kingdom of the
Lord Jesus Christ.
Doyle C. Book
April 2000